The Celebrity Condition

Victoria Beckham: Scary Spice!

It's been a busy summer but I couldn't let this one pass by without posting it. Victoria Beckham, currently causing a media storm here in the States because she moved to California or something, reveals her less-than-perfect body on her way to a photo shoot last week. Years of crash dieting with absolutely no exercise has left her body a saggy mess. This is why I wake up every morning and do like a zillion squats. I do not want to look like this.

Victoria Beckham's legs will haunt your nightmares [The Superficial]

A little (or should I say a lot of?) Jack Nicholson for you

He's got a paunch and he's now 70, but Jack Nicholson is still a lady-killer [Daily Mail]

Kate Hudson: got abs?

Kate Hudson showing off her awesome abs after a workout. Please remember folks, this is a woman who gained 60 lbs during pregnancy. Nice job, Kate.

Kate Hudson Keeps Herself Ab-tastic [Popsugar]

Victoria Beckham's wrinkly knee

Posh Spice has saggy knees, a driving permit AND a speeding ticket, all in one day!

Victoria Beckham’s Knee Wrinkles [Just Jared]

Quick Links Thursday

Selma Blair just got out of rehab [Celebrity Nation]
Keira Knightley talks about her weight AGAIN [I'm Not Obsessed]
Tyra Banks and the body she's perfectly happy with on the cover of Shape [Dlisted]
Kirsten Dunst may have a ... foot rash? [Just Jared]

Gwyneth's pilates body

Gwyneth Paltrow is slim and her daughter Apple is cute. Pilates or genetics? You be the judge.

Gwyneth’s Toned Tummy [Just Jared]

No bikini for Kelly Clarkson

She's in Hawaii, just like Courtney, but she's sunburnt and hasn't been crash-dieting for the last 6 weeks, so Kelly Clarkson wisely decided to keep covered up.

Unlike some others.

Kelly Clarkson is Red Hot [IDLYITW]

Britney's pre-rehab belly

Britney Spears in bikini right before rehab [The Superficial]

Anna Kournikova looks healthy

For a while there, there were rumors that Anna Kournikova had lost a dramatic amount of weight in an unhealthy way. Later I decided that she looked naturally thin. These pictures confirm that. Yes, her arms appear skinny at certain angles but she's not at a dangerously low weight by any means.

[Photos courtesy Celebrity Nation]

Looks like Tara got her stomach fixed

It looks like the repair on Tara Reid's botched lipo is complete and her stomach looks great! Congratulations, Tara. Yes, it might have been stupid to have done it in the first place, but I'm glad to see it's fixed. She looks great.

Tara Reid is Looking a Little Less Scary [IDLYITW]

Tyra Banks in all her glory

Tyra looks great ten years later. Yes, there's some Photoshopping involved, and no, she's not exactly a "supermodel" anymore, but I still love this crazy gal for her guts and beauty. Go Tyra!

TYRA BANKS: 10 YEARS (AND A WHOLE LOT OF PHOTOSHOP) LATER [Faded Youth]

Femalefirst Roundup

What? Being overweight hindered a musician's career? I'm shocked. [FF]
Mary J. Blige was scared straight [FF]
Anne Hathaway was really an angst-ridden teen [FF]
Jade Jagger gets drunk and ruins the flight for everyone [FF]
Hugh Grant can only dance with chemical assistance [FF]
Kate Bosworth's mother makes her eat [FF]
Amy Winehouse supposedly has an ultra-healthy diet [FF]
The Osbournes have a waxing nightmare [FF]

Saggy and flabby celebrity roundup from TMZ!

That's Donatella Versace bringing you today's cellulite. Check out all the galleries at TMZ!

TMZ's Sag Awards! [TMZ]

How you like them Quick Links?

Gwen talks baby weight  [Celebrity Nation]
Eeeeeek. Eva Longoria needs makeup. [The Superficial]
Hilary Duff gets drunk and screams about vaginas [The Superficial]
Britney Spears is spotty and podgy [Daily Mail]
Fergie's workout gear: still teh overkill [Hollywood Tuna]
Julie Andrews is still wrinkle-free! [Daily Mail]

Lindsay Lohan protects her organs

Lindsay Lohan is keeping her appendix in her freezer because she's afraid it might fall into the wrong hands and end up getting sold on eBay. Some may say she's paranoid, but frankly, I don't blame her. I think she's being smart. Think what kind of money it could fetch! I mean, how much was Britney's half-eaten sandwich going for? Or Jessica Simpson's gum? I think Kimberly Stewart is right, Lindsay should auction the thing off for charity.

Lindsay Lohan keeps body parts in her freezer [The Superficial]

Is it just me?

Or is Jared Leto morphing into his Requiem for a Dream co-star Jennifer Connelly?

Jake Gyllenhaal gives the cowboys what they want

Look at those arms! UPDATE: NBC keeps removing this video from YouTube. Here it is on Google Video.

Jake Gyllenhaal in Drag [Just Jared]

Jamie-Lynn goes swimming

A Jamie-Lynn Sigler Nude Scene Might Happen [Egotastic]

Kate Moss is Not Safe For Work

Kate Moss Topless in Thailand [Egotastic]

Jessica makes little boys happy

Jessica Alba Bikini Pictures to End the Week [Egotastic]

Look, no cellulite!!

The Keira Knightley Nipple Slip that Almost Was [Egotastic]

Best butt ever

Jessica & Derek's Hot Beach Getaway [US Magazine]

Dolphin girl

Tara Reid Is Not Dolphin Safe [Egotastic]

Hot pursuit

Lindsay Lohan Thinks She's on Baywatch [Egotastic]

Mama Britney

The Britney Spears Bikini Pictures You Probably Don't Want to See [Egotastic]

Goth girl

Nicole Richie doesn't induce vomiting, brain confused [The Superficial]

Bikini Friday

Thanks mainly to Egotastic, this Friday's special issue of TCC is ALL BIKINIS.

Keira Knightley and her boyfriend don't overeat

Keira Knightley's boyfriend Rupert Friend is really skinny. Does he have an eating disorder or something? And why is he wearing a stripey bikini? Oh, wait. That's Keira. Yep, she's still skinny. The lucky girl with the amazing metabolism managed to avoid the dreaded holiday weight gain. But as I've said several times before, I firmly believe that she is not anorexic. This couple is genetically blessed. Look at Rupert's abs and arms!

It's itsy bitsy teeny weeny Keira Knightley [Daily Mail]

Celebrity butts on parade

I already linked to TMZ's catalog of hot celebrity asses, but this is much more interesting. NOT-SO-HOT celebrity asses. Check out all 15!

Bad Asses [TMZ]

Quick Links just for you

Lindsay Lohan's "water" bottle [A Socialite's Life]
Courtney Love is looking "Wildenstein-esque" [ICYDK]
Jordan's son is badly burned [A Socialite's Life]
A gallery of celebrity asses [TMZ]
Jessica Biel's diet is right ON [I'm Not Obsessed]

Today's stretch marks brought to you by: Kate Moss

We already know she's got cellulite, but now here's proof that Kate's got serious stretch marks on her butt. Yep, that's right. There's no Photoshop at the beach.

MORE KATE MOSS NASTINESS (I KID!) [Faded Youth]

Quick Links a-go-go

The clock strikes twelve, and Britney turns into a pumpkin [Perez Hilton]
Teri Garr has emergency brain surgery but she's OK! [Tabloid Whore]
Top Ten Fittest Male Celebs from A Socialite's Life, and an honorable mention to Biel [ASL]
Biel is too buff for the Top Ten Fittest Females [ASL]
Oh my god, is Brandon Davis dying? [TMZ]

David Gest beached on the beach

Liza Minnelli's ex-husband David Gest ... the only word I have for this is ... EEK. You can see how much plastic there is in his face even from far away.

LIZA IS MISSING OUT ON THIS HOTNESS [Faded Youth]

Diana Ross's butt

Serena and Jessica have nothing on the Boss [Faded Youth]

Jessica Biel to play Catwoman ... for Halloween

Is that all it was for? A Halloween costume? Jessica Biel has supposedly kicked her exercise routine into high gear to look hot in her Catwoman costume at a ball she's hosting. Did someone say "skintight custom-made black-patent-leather outfit"? Meow.

Jessica Biel’s diet incentive: Halloween! [Life & Style]

How much are the worth in gold?

See how much your favorite celebrity is worth, if they were worth their weight in gold. How does Nicole rank next to Kate and Jennifer? Who's worth more, Arnold Schwartzenegger or Rosie O'Donnell? Does James Gandolfini outprice them all?

Worth Their Weight in Gold [AOL's Gold Rush]

Reese is gorgeous

Reese Witherspoon and her husband Ryan Phillipe both looked super gorgeous at the Flags of our Father premiere. Reese looks every inch the glowing golden girl so I'm not going to mention the fact that her dress and certain camera angles are a little less than flattering. I don't care, because she still looks wonderful! Here's another picture of them looking perfect.

Ryan & Reese: ‘Flag of Our Fathers’ Premiere [Just Jared]

Today's Quick Links

Try Oprah's new diet [The Skinny Website]
Who wins? Angelina or Jennifer? [The Bosh]
Kylie Minogue's fitness tip: housework! [The Sun Online]
Do you think Avril Lavigne got a nose job? [I'm Not Obsessed]
Chef Gordon Ramsey hurts his groin [Femalefirst]

That's no beauty mark!

OK, I really really want to make sure Julia Roberts has had this mole checked by a dermatologist. I mean, I'm sure she has. How can anyone miss it? But why doesn't she have it removed? A large or irregular mole, or melanocytic naevus, that changes shape, color or size suddenly can be a sign of skin cancer. Suspicious moles should be biposied, checked for malignancy, and possibly removed for safety. Unless you think it's attractive, for some reason. Then it's a beauty mark. Guess what, Julia. That's not attractive. Sorry, but it's grossing us out.

Guess The Celebrity Mole [Perez Hilton]

Matthew McConaughey forgot his jock strap

Oh Matthew.

Matthew McConaug...Hey, I can totally see your junk [Molly Good]

Friday Quick Links

Matthew McConaughey was growing that beard for a movie [Celebitchy]
Bo Bice has emergency surgery [FF]
K-Fed wants Britney to stay fat because otherwise he'll get jealous [The Superficial]
Roger Ebert is recovering slowly but surely [Yahoo News]
It's hard for Mel Gibson to stay sober [FF]
Justin Hawkins's addictions drive him to quit The Darkness [Dailymail]
Mischa Barton loves mushy peas [FF]
Gerald Ford back in the hospital [CNN]

Victoria Beckham looks awful naked

No wonder she never smiles. Victoria Beckham is walking around hating her body because of how awful she looks naked, and she talks about it in Australia's Harper's Bazaar magazine this month. Well, it's not suprising. If you starve yourself your body eats away muscle along with fat, leaving you with saggy skin and no butt. Having three children doesn't help, especially if you don't lose the baby weight sensibly and slowly. Well, at least she's got closets full of designer clothes to cover her up, unlike the rest of us people who don't look so hot naked.

Posh: I look really awful naked [DailyMail]

Don't you care about Scarlett's mind?

Scarlett Johansson, voted "The Sexiest Woman Alive" by Esquire magazine, engages in yet another over-the-top photoshoot emphasizing her sexiness. Then, in the accompanying article, she basically complains about the attention she gets for her body. "What about my brain?" she asks, and all her hard work starting at an early age in independent films? I always had a lot of respect for Scarlett as a child actor, but saying stuff like that in an article for which you have spent many hours posing with your butt and breasts shoved in the camera strikes me as slightly confused, if not completely hypocritical. Well, as they say: if you've got it, flaunt it.

Old naked guys romp on camera

Just what the HECK is going on here? John Travolta, William H. Macy, Martin Lawrence and Tim Allen peeing on rocks, splashing around naked and eating Snickers bars in a lake? Considering there is a team of people there to help John off with his robe, I'm guessing this is a film shoot and not a male bonding camping retreat. What in the bejeezus is Martin doing to Tim? This just isn't right. What also isn't right is that John is supposed to be bald. What happened there? More nakedness [sorta SFW] and romping after the link.

Four and a half naked men [Faded Youth]

Friday's Femalefirst

Fergie pretended she was bulimic to hide her drug use [FF]
Helena Bonham Carter says we aren't all 20. So true! [FF]
Ashton Kutcher is put to shame by Brad Pitt [FF]
Tom Cruise protects Katie Holmes's delicate skin [FF]
George Michael doesn't have a drug problem. Really, really he doesn't. [FF]
Jude Law's beauty is hindering his career and tormenting us all [FF]
Buff twin Evangeline Lilly almost fell off a cliff [FF]

Evangeline Lilly's got muscles too!

I always suspected it, and here's some evidence. Evangeline Lilly is Jessica Biel's secret twin! Are these girls natural mesomorphs or are they on steroids?

Evangeline Lilly: Also with the Muscles [Egotastic]

It's official: Charlotte Church is hotter than Kate Moss

According to a Yahoo! Entertainment poll, Charlotte Church wins out over Kate Moss in a best celebrity figures survey, coming in third place. Well, Kate is a little skanky and coke-addled. Charlotte is very curvy and has publicly admitted to her inability to stick to healthy diet and exercise. Has the backlash against the "too skinnies" begun?

Huh? Charlotte Church Over Kate Moss!? [Hollywood Tuna]

Biel is buff!

Yes, we all know it, but let's look at some more pictures of Jessica Biel's muscles just for fun. Those guys she's with are probably scared she might decide to kick their asses, just because she can.

Jessica Biel and is a Muscle Man [Egotastic]

Katie Holmes still has a belly

It's true that Katie has dropped a lot of her baby weight, and we know Tom's been helping with that, but she still has a post-baby belly. There is work yet to be done. Unless the work is already done and she's pregnant again! In either case, poor girl.

Katie Holmes Drops Baby Weight [A Socialite's Life]

Mariah Carey is larger than life

Mariah Carey was showing off what I believe to be some weight gain as she partied in Las Vegas after a performance. Well, as long as she and her breasts are having fun.

Mimi parties Vegas style [Faded Youth]

Even buffer than ever

Who is that? Why, she's positively ripped! Those are some serious, serious back muscles. Why it's none other than our favorite gym rat, Jessica Biel! Gosh, I bet she could beat Mattie Pants in a wrestling match. Nice work, girlie.

Jessica Biel is a Man, Baby! [Yeeeah!]

WHO's got the best butt?

IDLYITW is right. The Jessicas were ROBBED.

Beyonce Shouldn't Have Won [IDLYITW]

Celebrities still "too thin"

Faded Youth has scans of People magazine's latest cover story about "too thin" celebrities and models. When is this not their cover story, and how many times have they printed that picture of Nicole running on the beach? The article features the usual suspects: Nicole Richie, Kate Bosworth, Victoria Beckham and Keira Knightley (who I still say is not anorexic) along with former anorexic Portia de Rossi, and two actresses whose weight you don't hear about everyday: Christine Taylor (wife of Ben Stiller) and Kim Raver. Fashion insiders are quoted as saying there is a "huge drug scene" in the modeling industry, with young women popping horse tranquilizers and other prescription medications in attempt to kill their appetite, keep their energy, and stay slim. When will it end? These women need to feed themselves and be healthy.

I guess you really can be too thin [Faded Youth]

Fergie's bikini

Look what the meth diet did for Fergie! Seriously, though, I think these photos might be old (they look familiar) but Fergie is definitely rockin' the abs.

Fergie Spreads Her London Bridge Disease [A Socialite's Life]

Kate Beckinsale's butt on the beach

This is what 2000 lunges gets you, ladies. Personally, I think Kate Beckinsale should try some full "body builder" squats with a 125 barbell on her back. A few months of that and she wouldn't need to wear 4-inch platform shoes on the beach to give her bum a lift.

Kate Beckinsale hits the beach [The Superficial]

Your daily Nicole

Brought to you by Splash News.

Evolution of a 'Waifer' [Splash News Online]

Wednesday: Girdles, Botox and DUIs

Charlotte Church's girdle [Cosmetic Makeovers]
Paris Hilton's DUI is official [TMZ]
Virginia Madsen's Botox story [Cosmetic Makeovers]
Mario Lopez's injured dancing partner [TMZ]

Do you want to see Fergie's armpit hair?

I'm not sure I do. So follow the link below if you must.

Looks Like Fergie’s Solo Career Is “Hair” To Stay [Hollywood Tuna]

It's hard to be a woman Monday

Raquel Welch frowns on plastic surgery, but still has no frown lines [Femalefirst]
Tara Reid replaces her breasts [Egotastic]
Petra Nemcova admits to struggling with her weight [The Superficial]
Emma Thompson talks about the pressure to be young and thin [Daily Mail]
Britney Spears will dance away the baby weight [Femalefirst]
Kate Winslet is proud of her stretch marks [Fametastic]
Billie Piper was anorexic [Daily Mail]

What? Celebrities are too skinny?

People magazine examines actresses who have lost too much weight and lines up the usual suspects: Kate, Nicole, Victoria, etc. They include Keira Knightley because she looked so skinny at the Pirates of the Carribean premiere, even though I still contend that she's naturally thin.

Are Celebrities Getting Too Skinny? [I'm Not Obsessed]

Sadie Frost goes naked for a cause too!

Don't forget about Kate Moss's other cool friend! It's Sadie Frost! You know the one, best known for once being married to Jude Law and having some children with him. Supposedly she is also an actress, and oh yeah, she runs a fashion label too. Wisely, and unlike the skinny fat Winona Ryder, she spent six months working out before shooting the picture below, campaigning against fur for PETA. Didn't anyone tell her Photoshop could do the job for her?

Sadie turns the other cheek for anti-fur campaign [Daily Mail]

David Duchovny is ... sweaty?

David Duchovny is gross and sweaty, or something. This is just EW. I mean, I do understand sweating in your pants when it's hot and you're sitting in a car, or at a desk with an overheated laptop on your thighs, but this just looks wrong. David, remember all those love letters I wrote you back in 1993? Well, you don't have to bother reading them at this point.

Duchovny pulls a Fergie [Faded Youth]

Winona Ryder naked

Winona Ryder is cute and all, and she was game enough to participate in a nude ad campaign for Marc Jacobs to raise awareness about skin cancer, but the girl needs some muscle tone. She is the very definition of "skinny fat". Has she ever lifted anything heavier than a shopping bag full of stolen belts? And her breasts are sagging down to her elbows. I guess she deserves props for going naked for a good cause ... ?

Winona Ryder Gets Naked to Save Your Ass [Egotastic]

Scarlett Johansson's common sense about weight

Leave it to Scarlett Johansson to sound wise beyond her years compared to other young women in Hollywood. Scarlett has maintained her voluptuous figure since becoming a A-list actress and has no plans to waif out like some others we know. She does not want to become "unnaturally thin" and she says she doesn't "need to be skinny to be sexy." Well, Scarlett, I think you've proven yourself correct there, considering the millions of men who are out there drooling over your every flash of cleavage. Well done.

Scarlett Johansson Bravely Refuses to Starve Self [Us Online]

Kate Bosworth's dress falls off

We've all seen Kate Bosworth's ribs before, but just because she's the next Nicole Richie doesn't mean she has to show us THIS much. Eek!

Really Scary Kate Bosworth Nipple Slip Pictures [Egotastic]

Drew Barrymore is "skinny fat"

Drew Barrymore (she's the one on the right) was recently photographed in Mexico looking, well, soft and squishy. In the latest Elle magazine she talks about how losing 20 lbs has made her "more confident." Don't get me wrong. I think Drew is totally cute but maybe - and I'm just saying maybe - this confidence is premature. It looks like she lost all her weight in muscle and didn't do anything to preserve it, hence the sagging, flabby figure that remains. Or maybe she's just "retaining water" from too many margaritas and tortilla chips.

Mmmm. Margaritas and tortilla chips.

Drew Barrymore lost weight [WWTDD]

Kate Hudson's post-baby belly

When you looked at those pictures of Kate Hudson surfing yesterday, I bet you thought "Gee she looks great for a woman who has given birth, look at those abs!" Just like me. Well, it's time to come back to reality. Just like cellulite, it's something even celebrities can't escape ... post-baby belly sag:

And there you have it.

Correction: I am blind [Faded Youth]

Mischa Barton sweats it out

Mischa Barton sweated all over her bedazzling dress at the Fashion Rocks concert the other night, leaving unsightly stains. I'm guessing her anti-perspirant failed her, and this isn't a sign that she has some embarrassing gladular disorder. But who knows?

Mischa Barton Buys The Bedazzler - Goes Overboard [I'm Not Obsessed]

Kate Hudson jumps on board

First, Gwyneth was doing it, and now Kate Hudson has decided to try surfing while vacationing in Hawaii. It looks like she's doing this more for fun than for a workout, however. One thing though, um, Kate, I'm not sure surfing involves the use of an OAR. But then what do I know.