The Celebrity Condition

Victoria Beckham: Scary Spice!

It's been a busy summer but I couldn't let this one pass by without posting it. Victoria Beckham, currently causing a media storm here in the States because she moved to California or something, reveals her less-than-perfect body on her way to a photo shoot last week. Years of crash dieting with absolutely no exercise has left her body a saggy mess. This is why I wake up every morning and do like a zillion squats. I do not want to look like this.

Victoria Beckham's legs will haunt your nightmares [The Superficial]

A little (or should I say a lot of?) Jack Nicholson for you

He's got a paunch and he's now 70, but Jack Nicholson is still a lady-killer [Daily Mail]

Andy Garcia bikini photos

OK, really he's just in trunks. Andy Garcia hanging out, paunch, back hair and all, in what I assume is Cannes with Don Cheadle (no paunch, no back hair).

Celebrity Guess Who? [Just Jared]

Victoria Beckham's wrinkly knee

Posh Spice has saggy knees, a driving permit AND a speeding ticket, all in one day!

Victoria Beckham’s Knee Wrinkles [Just Jared]

Melanie Griffith's genes

That's Melanie Griffith's knee. She must come from a family that does not age well. How else do you explain how wrinkled her entire body looks at age 49? I know I'm saying it's probably just genetics making her look like an 80-year-old, but I can't help but think it would help if she stopped smoking.

Melanie Griffith fights a losing battle with the signs of ageing [Daily Mail]

Monday Quick Links

Victoria Beckham gets XTREME on the slopes [I'm Not Obsessed]
Calista Flockhart ashamed of eating? [A Socialite's Life]
Matt LeBlanc is going gray [Just Jared]
Fergie used to do a lot of drugs, now goes to hypnotherapy [Femalefirst]
Eek, look how skinny Jenna Jameson is [The Superficial]
Why am I not surprised that Anna Nicole Smith was popping at least 20 pills a day? [Celebrity Nation]

Femalefirst Roundup

Mick Jagger' skinny model daughter talks about size 0 [FF]
Marky Mark won't get plastic surgery [FF]
Being so high up in the "mountains" makes Nicole Richie dizzy [FF]
 Mick Jagger's ex-wife Jerry Hall also won't get plastic surgery [FF]
British scones with jam and cream send Cameron Diaz on a binge [FF]

Look at those quads

Doesn't Richard Simmons ever get tired of wearing short shorts and tank tops? I guess NOT. He does still have decent muscle tone for a 143-year-old man, I have to admit.

Oh, Sweetie... [A Socialite's Life]

Heather's over the hill

Heather Locklear, 46, is widely admired for her perpetually youthful appearance. "That woman's got good genes!" we say. And we curse her under our breath. That's why it's refreshing to see her looking a little tired, a little puffy, and a little bit like she may have had some work done on her face. She also appears to be buying, or pretending to buy, a gag gift labelled "Over The Hill" Fortune Cookie. Ha ha ha. That's funny. Remember Heather, you're worth it.

Heather Locklear posing inside a store and smiling at the photographer, Feb 28 [ICYDK]

Tyra Banks in all her glory

Tyra looks great ten years later. Yes, there's some Photoshopping involved, and no, she's not exactly a "supermodel" anymore, but I still love this crazy gal for her guts and beauty. Go Tyra!

TYRA BANKS: 10 YEARS (AND A WHOLE LOT OF PHOTOSHOP) LATER [Faded Youth]

Oh Mickey, you're not so fine

Here it is again, the monster that ate Mickey Rourke. Eeekity. It looks like he's had cheek AND lip implants and several dozen face lifts. WTH?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Dlisted]

Saggy and flabby celebrity roundup from TMZ!

That's Donatella Versace bringing you today's cellulite. Check out all the galleries at TMZ!

TMZ's Sag Awards! [TMZ]

How you like them Quick Links?

Gwen talks baby weight  [Celebrity Nation]
Eeeeeek. Eva Longoria needs makeup. [The Superficial]
Hilary Duff gets drunk and screams about vaginas [The Superficial]
Britney Spears is spotty and podgy [Daily Mail]
Fergie's workout gear: still teh overkill [Hollywood Tuna]
Julie Andrews is still wrinkle-free! [Daily Mail]

Angelina Jolie is veiny

Hm, look at THOSE arms! I guess carrying all those babies around really takes its toll.

Angelina Jolie has beautiful arms [The Superficial]

Those gorgeous Brits

Kate Winslet may be airbrushed after all. Either way, she looks fabulous. Emma Thompson gets hotter with age, while Kate Beckinsale should take a cue from Victoria Beckham and lose the scalp-exposing extensions.

[Daily Mail]

A Femalefirst roundup

Jamelia's umbilical hernia [FF]
Geri Halliwell's leaky breast [FF]
Madonna's arthritis cream [FF]
Nicole's gained 10 lbs? [FF]
Mick Jagger's pricey wrinkle cream [FF]

Today's Quick Links

Lindsay Lohan overdoses on drugs [Egotastic]
Ewan McGregor needs a hypnotist to really quit smoking [Femalefirst]
Tawny Kitaen arrested for cocaine possession [Celebrity Buzz]
Today's DUI brought to you by Fabian Basabe [Perez Hilton]
Kate Moss is terrified of wrinkles [Femalefirst]
Ruben Studdard is a vegetarian [Us Online]
It's back to rehab for Peter Doherty [Perez Hilton]

Celebrities love Photoshop revisited

Uma Thurman, Demi Moore, Elizabeth Hurley, Daniel Craig, Sharon Stone, Brad Pitt and George Clooney. All actors of a certain age getting paid big bucks to promote products to consumers of a certain age. And Photoshop is there to help.

 

 

Celebrities are rolling back the years [Splash News Online]

Diana Ross's butt

Serena and Jessica have nothing on the Boss [Faded Youth]

Femalefirst round-up

Audioslave's Chris Cornell hit by a truck [FF]
David Bowie's fry-up ban [FF]
Hugh Jackman's wine and cheese diet. Yum. [FF]
Amy Winehouse tries rehab for 15 minutes [FF]
Snow Patrol tour dates cancelled due to injury [FF]

Suzanne Somers gets old

As we know, all celebrities get old. Whether they are rich or poor, sober or drunk, advertising on QVC or making cameos in movie remakes of 1970s TV shows, it happens. And it's happening to Suzanne Somers.

Suzanne Somers vs. Al Roker [Cityrag]

Quick Links: a world of health news

Eva Longoria is too scared of needles to get plastic surgery [FF]
Sarah Jessia Parker and Angelina Jolie show their age in a small way [Splash News Online]
Sheryl Crow is breast cancer free! [The Sun Online]
Travid Barker breaks his arm during a video shoot [The Showbuzz]
Peter Doherty holds up the Babyshambles tour because he needs more rehab [Fametastic]
Jimmy Buffett caught carrying Ecstasy, or was it just a prescription? [Celebrity Buzz]
Elle MacPherson flips flops on plastic surgery [Smart]
Opera singer Rusell Watson readmitted after brain surgery [FF]

Speaking of pudgy old men ...

U2 frontman Bono was photographed on vacation in Croatia looking, well, like a 46-year-old man usually looks in a bathing suit. The Daily Mail took this opportunity to rewrite some of U2's best know hits:

Just some of his massive hits

1. Even Fatter Than The Real Thing

2. The Noshua Tree

3. Fried – In The Name Of Lard

4. Unforgettable Fry-up

5. Sundae Bloody Sundae

6. Still Haven't Found What I'm Cooking For

7. Under a Blood Red Pie

8. Two Tarts Eat As One

9. Achtung Flabby

10. Rattle and Tum

 

Even fatter than the real thing [Faded Youth]

Old naked guys romp on camera

Just what the HECK is going on here? John Travolta, William H. Macy, Martin Lawrence and Tim Allen peeing on rocks, splashing around naked and eating Snickers bars in a lake? Considering there is a team of people there to help John off with his robe, I'm guessing this is a film shoot and not a male bonding camping retreat. What in the bejeezus is Martin doing to Tim? This just isn't right. What also isn't right is that John is supposed to be bald. What happened there? More nakedness [sorta SFW] and romping after the link.

Four and a half naked men [Faded Youth]

Friday's Femalefirst

Fergie pretended she was bulimic to hide her drug use [FF]
Helena Bonham Carter says we aren't all 20. So true! [FF]
Ashton Kutcher is put to shame by Brad Pitt [FF]
Tom Cruise protects Katie Holmes's delicate skin [FF]
George Michael doesn't have a drug problem. Really, really he doesn't. [FF]
Jude Law's beauty is hindering his career and tormenting us all [FF]
Buff twin Evangeline Lilly almost fell off a cliff [FF]

It's hard to be a woman Monday

Raquel Welch frowns on plastic surgery, but still has no frown lines [Femalefirst]
Tara Reid replaces her breasts [Egotastic]
Petra Nemcova admits to struggling with her weight [The Superficial]
Emma Thompson talks about the pressure to be young and thin [Daily Mail]
Britney Spears will dance away the baby weight [Femalefirst]
Kate Winslet is proud of her stretch marks [Fametastic]
Billie Piper was anorexic [Daily Mail]

Barbra Streisand forgot her bra

What was she thinking leaving the house without a bra? A 64-year-old woman should not go ANYWHERE without reinforcement. Especially if there's a chance she might be photographed. In fact, to be safe, Barbra Streisand should just wear a body suit made out of steel. 24 hours a day.

Barbra Streisand goes braless [The Superficial]

Prince William grows longer in tooth

What do you think? Is Prince William aging well or not? He may be looking a bit more Charles than Diana than he was before, but I think he's still a handsome man.

Prince William is Not Aging Well [Dlisted]

Bonus weekend Femalefirst roundup

Gwen Stefani addicted to Pringles [FF] 
Real dead guy found on the CSI set. Only in New York. [FF]
Jack Nicholson has a problem with drool, goes to the hospital [FF]
The Rolling Stones are determined to drop dead on stage [FF]

Kate Moss goes nude again

A nude face that is. Yes, that's right. Today's face without makeup is brought to you by Kate Moss, AGAIN. She's getting older, she's snorted a lot of cocaine, smoked a lot of cigarettes and generall y has not taken great care of herself.

This is your face on drugs, girls.

Is Kate partying again? [Faded Youth]

Raquel Welch has still got it

Raquel Welch is 66 years old and looks pretty incredible. It's hard to detect one wrinkle on her face, which I suppose means she's had some serious surgery done to it. If so, she's got a great surgeon, plus great genes and probably some secret European beauty regime. Or she made a pact with the devil, like Marcus Schenkenberg.

Raquel Welch is One Hot Ass Ho [Dlisted]

Stephanie Seymour's killer bod

Supermodel Stephanie Seymour is 38 years old and looks fantastic. Here she is recently on the beach, looking pretty much perfect.

She's also featured in the current Vogue Hommes, looking hot. That' all I have to say.

Stephanie Seymour in Vogue Hommes F/W 2006 [Faded Youth]

Diana Ross without makeup

Today's bonus face without makeup is brought to you by Diana Ross. Looks like she couldn't be bothered to do up her face just to go on a coffee run. Let's cut her some slack though. The woman's 62 years old.

Diana Ross Turns Us Upside Down [TMZ]

Lorraine Bracco spreads out

Lorraine Bracco is a stylish woman of a certain age whose age is unfortunately showing these days. She has definitely gained weight. Here is a picture of her from earlier this year, compared to a picture taken during the first season of The Sopranos. I am a huge fan of The Sopranos, and Bracco's portrayal of psychotherapist Dr. Jennifer Melfi.

February 2006 (click for larger version)	March 2000 (click for larger version)

It's Labor Day, eat some ice cream

Britney Spears feeds her unborn child (and her sister) more junk [JustJared]
HDTV makes Gwyneth Paltrow's mother Blythe Danner self-conscious about her wrinkles [Femalefirst]
Jennifer Aniston joins the very skinny club [Hollywood Backwash]

Diane Lane is genetically blessed

I am convinced that there is not a trace of cosmetic "procedure" on this woman's body. Diane Lane is growing older naturally, and she looks fantastic. The actress is 41 years old and can currently be seen in Hollywoodland with Ben Affleck and Adrian Brody. She is a lucky woman, and she looks incredible in purple.

Diane Lane Still Looks Amazing [Egotastic]

John Travolta's male pattern baldness

John Travolta is going bald. The carefree days of your youth are officially over. There is no turntable around anymore to play your "Grease" soundtrack on vinyl. Throw it away. In fact, you might as well pack your bags and head for the old folk's home right now.

Wait a second ... unless he's just "preparing for a role" in which he is has to appear bald. Maybe? John? Hello?

Woa, John Travolta is seriously going bald!!! [ICYDK]

Eva Longoria without makeup

Today's makeup-free face brought to you by: Eva Longoria.

Eva Longoria Without Makeup [Celebrinews]

Kate Winslet's wrinkles

Kate Winslet is a classic beauty. It is very very hard to make her look bad. You can fatten her up and dunk her in ice water next to Leonardio diCaprio, or give her a ratty fire-engine-red wig and make her play opposite Jim Carey, but she will always look radiant and lovely. Even without makeup you can see her beautiful glow, but you can also see her wrinkles. I'm about her age and if I looked this good showing off my wrinkles I would be very thankful to my parents and ancestors for their genes. Still, makeup, lighting and Photoshop continue to top the list of modern miracles here at TCC.

Kate Winslet is Beautiful [IDLYITW]

Kate Moss without makeup

Kate sans makeup again. Photoshop really is a celebrity's best friend.

Public service announcement [Faded Youth]

Celebrity plastic surgery: after, before, and after again

Poor ladies. It's enough to have to go through a face lift just one time. But twice? Or three times? Or who knows how many times?

Celebrities' changing faces [Daily Mail]

Fountain of youth FOUND

Great news everybody! The illusionist David Copperfield has found the fountain of youth! No, I'm totally serious! See, he bought these ISLANDS in like, the Bahamas? And he found this water there? And it TOTALLY brings dead bugs back to life! Those Desperate Housewives actresses are gonna be so psyched! I bet they are lining up now to be the first to try it!

Copperfield's new wrinkle: fountain of youth [Sydney Morning Herald]

Farrah Fawcett fixed her face

Well, as best she could. She is one celebrity who has gone a little far with the facial surgery, IMO. Follow the link for a "Before" photo.

Farrah's Fabulous Makeover [Faded Youth]

Even Kate Moss shows her age

Makeup, lighting and Photoshop are three miracles of the modern world.

Welcome to Monday morning

There's definitely something wrong with Tommy Lee [Femalefirst]
Kate Beckinsale is at it again [The Skinny Website]
Penelope Cruz says Scientology is good for drug addicts [Femalefirst]
Julia Roberts looks her age [x17]

Supermodels show their age

With some daring lighting and minimal Photoshopping, Rachel Hunter, Christie Brinkley, Naomi Campbell, Cindy Crawford, Cheryl Tiegs and others are photographed in W Magazine looking very "real". Call me crazy, but I actually think they look especially attractive in these shots, specifically because of the verite style. OK, maybe Cheryl Tiegs could have used a little more Photoshop.

What Happened to the Supermodels?! [Dlisted]

Kristy Swanson looks a bit worse for wear

I actually think she looks fine, just aging normally like the rest of us. I don't think she's had a facelift or collagen lip injections, but who knows for sure?

What the Hell Happened to Kristy Swanson [Egotastic]

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, the crypt keepers

I couldn't help but post this photo. When I saw it I was reminded of the dead pirates from 'Pirates of the Caribbean'. They made a good call casting Keith Richards in the third installment.

[Image Source: AP Photo/Remy de la Mauviniere]

Photoshop is good to Madonna

As we know, Photoshop is a celebrity's best friend. As we also know, Madonna's hands are showing serious signs of aging. Thank god there's Photoshop to save the day because Madonna just got a gig modeling for H&M!

Madonna's hands love Photoshop [Faded Youth]

Madonna ages

My mother always told me that the one body part on which a woman couldn't hide her age was her hands. Madonna, 48, is no exception. Her body has long been muscular and fat-free, which as she gets older gives her a more bony, veiny look. As she ages, her skin loses elasticity and continues to wrinkle. Her hands bear the worst of this condition, as can been seen in these recent pictures of her in New York City.

Madonna May Look Good For Her Age, But Her Hands Don't [A Socialite's Life]

Teri Hatcher tapes herself

Page Six quotes Teri Hatcher explaining how she uses tape to give herself a "temporary boob job." Apparently, when you're 40 and wearing a low-cut gown, this is a requirement. Remember when she said "they're real, and they're spectacular?"

Celebs & their beauty marks [Page Six Online]